The Monster Within
by RutsuSatoshi
Summary: A short fic about Satoshi saying goodbye to the monster within.


Hey everyone!  
Here's a short fic about Satoshi saying goodbye to the monster within, also known as Krad.  
since a disclaimer seems to be soooo popular, I'll do one as well. RutsuSatoshi does not own any of the characters from DNangel. Neither does RutsuSatoshi own any of the spelling/grammar mistakes since English is not RutsuSatoshi's first language and RutsuSatoshi can therefore blame the school system or something similar. Don't sue, no money here.  
  
"The monster within."  
  
Dear krad  
  
I had a dream about you. Well actually, it was a nightmare, but none of that matters now. Somehow, in my cold, cold world that so you conveniently helped creating, I more or less miss you. You're gone, and you will not be back in hopefully many years to come. But none the less, I do miss you.  
  
My doctor tells me I should keep a journal of some kind. Something to vent. To write in order to find out what's really keeping me up all night. To kill my demons. Well how ironic is that?  
  
I can't stand the emptiness that's left now that you are gone. You'd think I'd welcome the silence. I don't though. I'm confused. I never thought I'd ever get confused again with you gone, but I am more so now than ever before.  
  
With you, I only had a few things on my mind. 1: How to get rid of you. 2: How to capture Dark 3: How to prevent you from killing my only friend Daisuke.  
(Not necessarily in that order)  
  
I no longer have to think about any of those things. I no longer have to think about how to capture Dark. You are gone. I don't have to worry about Daisuke anymore. With that all gone, there's room to think about...oh, let's say, everything. About my life, about who I am. You see, I never expected to outlive you, Krad. I already have a diploma, so why bother with school. I have a well-paid job as a detective. I can afford a house of my own.  
  
So what's missing right?  
  
Ah, yes, a social life. One I could do without, I figured. Well Krad, I was wrong. And now, after turning away from those I called friends, to think about life and my future, I find myself longing for human contact. Even though I have no idea how to do this. I don't think I was ever meant to have a social life.  
  
I kind of miss your insults. You made me feel like no one loved me. Like everyone despised me. Like my father loathed me. Maybe he did. However, at times I pretended that you were sort of a brother. And as you might know, siblings argue. Only family can make you feel the way you made me feel right? At times I made myself believe you were all the family I had. Agreed, a twisted way to perceive reality. But still a way to get me through life.  
  
That and the fact that I was chosen to be your container. I was the one to capture Dark. It didn't take me long to figure out that Daisuke was Dark's container. It was fun watching him trying to hide his identity.  
  
You know what? I really do like Daisuke. But sometimes I think the only reason he claims to be my friend is out of pity. And yes Krad. I blame you for it. Let's face it. You -did- make me feel that way. That no one could love me but you. And right now, I don't think that feeling will ever fade.  
  
I am on medication because of the feeling mentioned before. That, and because I am a bit suicidal, as my doctor calls it. God that sounds so dramatic. It was just one moment of weakness. I can hear you mock me as I'm writing this down. Well go ahead, I don't care!  
  
(I lied, I do care.)  
  
I feel like I'm wasting my life away without you Krad. I feel like I should be the one gone. Now how does that make sense? You tell me, 'cause I think I used up my spare part of sense.  
  
I think I figured it out. My life stopped making sense since you left. Now I get it! That's why I miss you. I've been through major changes lately and the only constant thing in the past few years of my life was you. No wonder I wanted you back, I needed something familiar! That's it. That's all there is. So I don't really miss you. I just miss what I wanted you to be. Family. Something familiar. Warmth. I confused love with hate.  
  
(hey, it's a thin line)  
  
Well, no more of that.  
  
I -can- change.  
  
And I will, in time.  
  
And I don't need you to feel wanted, Krad.  
  
So this is my final goodbye to you Krad.  
  
Goodbye.  
  
Satoshi. 


End file.
